I'll be good
by MinnieTheMoocherDA
Summary: After the events on Bahryn, Kallus contemplates the events of his life that had lead him to this point. (Song- "I'll be good" by Jaymes Young.) [Characters: Alexsandr Kallus, Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios. Pairings: Kalluzeb]


**A/N** **I've never done a song fic before, but after hearing this song, I couldn't get over how perfectly it suited Kallus. So I hope you guys enjoy my first song fic!**

 **(Song- "I'll be good" by Jaymes Young watch?v=scd-uNNxgrU)**

 _I thought I saw the devil, this morning_

 _Looking in the mirror,_

Kallus stared up at his mirror and found himself barely able to recognise the man he found there. How long at it been since he'd really looked at that man? The man that he'd become. His face was illuminated by the golden meteor that he still clutched in his hand. In the light, he was able to make out the dark shadows that had been hiding under his eyes and the empty gaze of his once amber eyes.

 _Drop of rum on my tongue_

 _With the warning to help me see myself clearer_

Kallus sat down on his bed. He held the bottle of Corellian whisky in one hand and the meteor in the other. The only two things he owned. He relished the burning sensation that travelled down his throat when he took a large swig straight from the bottle. He'd never been much of a drinker but after Onderon and Lasan he'd started to find himself getting lost in drink for days. _Maybe this is what Zeb meant_ , Kallus thought in a daze as the alcohol rushed to his head. He stared at the bottle for a moment thinking that he could climb into it and find answers at the bottom.

 _I never meant to start a fire_

 _I never meant to make you bleed_

 _I'll be a better man today_

 _Zeb_. The name used to bring on waves of hatred and anger. But now, while the anger was still present, it was no longer directed at him. And there where there was once hate, was now confusion and something else. Something that he never thought he was capable of feelings for another human, let alone a lasat.

 _I'll be good, I'll be good_

 _And I'll love the world, like I should_

 **A/N To Midnight Luna and InnerFangirl: Thank you so much for your comments! My stories should be longer from now on so I hope that you enjoy! Xxxxxx**

 **To FossilQueen1984 : Awwww thank you! Personally I see Thrawn and Eli as being best friends as apose to having a brotherly relationship and I think that friendship has potential for romance. But don't worry! There shouldn't be any Thranto in my Kalluzeb drabbles!**

 _Yeah, I'll be good, I'll be good_

 _For all of the times that I never could_

He meant what he'd said on the ice moon. It wasn't supposed to be a massacre. The weapons weren't supposed to have caused that much destruction. The goal had been to show them and the rest of the galaxy that rebellion only caused needless violence. That unwavering peace was better for everyone, so that The Empire could focus on the real dangers in the galaxy, such as smugglers and slavers.

 _My past has tasted bitter for years now_

 _So, I wield an iron fist_

 _Grace is just weakness_

 _Or so I've been told_

It Kallus was being honest with himself, he knew he'd had these flickers of doubt before. But he'd always pushed them to the back of him mind. At the academy he was told that moments of doubts aren't a luxury ISB agents could afford and foolishly he'd believed them. And after Onderon, the sentiment had become a mantra to, and was the reason he was still alive. But they were wrong. He was wrong. The simple act of feeling and showing kindness wasn't a weakness. It was powerful. Powerful enough to make him want to turn back on everything he'd thought to have been true.

 _I've been cold, I've been merciless_

 _But the blood on my hands scares me to death_

 _Maybe I'm waking up today_

He looked down at the hands that had been responsible for countless deaths. Deaths that he had believed to have been necessary for the greater good of the galaxy. Now, it felt like he was drowning in all the wronged he could have stopped if he'd only taken a moment to actually think. But up until now he hadn't. So, he was going to be stained with their blood for the rest of his life. And he deserved to.

 _I'll be good, I'll be good_

 _And I'll love the world, like I should_

 _I'll be good, I'll be good_

 _I'll be good, I'll be good_

Kallus could never right all the wrongs he had done. But could try. He could try to help the rebellion to do the things that he was never brave or smart enough to do. He could try to be the man Zeb thought he met on the ice moon. He could try to be a good person for the first time in too long.

 _For all of the light that I shut out_

 _For all of the innocent things that I doubt_

 _For all of the bruises I've caused and the tears_

 _For all of the things that I've done all these years_

 _Yeah, for all of the sparks that I've stomped out_

 _For all of the perfect things that I doubt_

It wasn't about redemption. No, Kallus was under no illusion of that. No matter what he would do to rectify his sins, there would still be a special place reserved for him in hell when this was all over. But redemption wasn't the point. It was doing what was right.

 _I'll be good, I'll be good_

 _And I'll love the world, like I should_

 _Yeah, I'll be good, I'll be good_

 _For all of the times I never could_

 _Ooh oh oh_

 _Ooh oh oh_

 _For all of the times I never could_

 **A/N To Midnight Luna and InnnerFangirl: Thank you so much for your comments! Lol yeah I don't have a soul either! XD Don't worry my drabbles should be longer from here on out! Hope you enjoy them! Xxxxxxxxx**

 **To FossilQueen1984: Awwwww thanks! Personally I see Thrawn and Eli's relationsip as being best friends as apose to brothers which is why I can see that friendship developing into a romance. But don't worry! There shouldn't be any Thranto in my kalluzeb drabbles! Xxxxxxxx**


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